Kelly,
I am not entirely sure who you are or what portion of your livelihood you sold to what evil entity, but I ask that you continue to hold up your end of the bargain. It seems to be working out for you. Enjoy the comforts of Chase Field and the warm dry air of AZ-it is likely only slightly cooler than your impending final resting place, so you should be fine. If no deal was made, please wait til October to announce the results of you PED tests. Kelly Johnson--I love you and I am pulling for you.
Sincerely Yours,
Deuce
xoxo
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
A Centaur Marking his Territory
The whole league has been out of the posting habit lately--I will blame the recent stir caused by the birth of the starting SS for the 2032 Pittsburgh Pirates(if Bud Selig does not contract them for the good of the league by then.) But the whole Dallas Braden v. Alex Rodriguez in a celebrity deathmatch debacle has gotten me off track at work on a Friday afternoon. Obviously, not a difficult task. And discussing this issue gives me a great chance to link to this picture. I am not even entirely sure if I care if it is fake. But the Dallas Braden approach is more what fires me up. The A's don't really have anyone of note on their roster, excepting maybe Andrew Bailey and Brett Anderson, so it intrigues me that when the big bad Yankees come to town we see Braden stepping up to one of the more decorated players in the game.
Admittedly, not even a speck on A-Rod's radar--Braden took control of a commonly accepted "guideline" in baseball. Only pitchers get to touch the mound. And he let the whole world know that the Oakland Athletics are not going to lay down, even for the World Series Champs.
If you watch the video found here, you will see what the buzz is about.
I tried to cherry pick some great quotes, but the best I can do is the quote from Braden which summarizes the issue to me.
"After the double play, he was looking at me and [cupped] his ear like, 'What did you say?'" Braden explained. "I made sure he understood me.
Admittedly, not even a speck on A-Rod's radar--Braden took control of a commonly accepted "guideline" in baseball. Only pitchers get to touch the mound. And he let the whole world know that the Oakland Athletics are not going to lay down, even for the World Series Champs.
If you watch the video found here, you will see what the buzz is about.
I tried to cherry pick some great quotes, but the best I can do is the quote from Braden which summarizes the issue to me.
"After the double play, he was looking at me and [cupped] his ear like, 'What did you say?'" Braden explained. "I made sure he understood me.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
I Crush Men
I have three Brian's on my team, three Yankees and three Braves so all is right in the world. I am sure the manliest-man-crushfest of all time, GIAMBI and me, will soon reunite but for now, he is cheering me on from the wire. (I swear if Helton gets hurt I get GIAMBI. I am keeping my waiver position just in case.)
Unlike Webb, my man-crush doesn't come along due to performance but rather something I cannot explain. I really only have one rule when it comes to a man-crush ... the dude has to be white. I ain't into the jungle fever thing.
If you read Webb's previous article, he mentioned the trade that nabbed him Justin Upton, his new man-crush. He assured me Ellsbury (my young man-crush) would be there for me later in the round. Royce picked him up a couple picks earlier. I could have squashed Webb like a bug. I love Ellsbury and for what reason? No idea. I even hate the Red Sox.
Anyway, back to my team. The three Brian's are Brian McCann, Brian Roberts and Brian Wilson. I care less about Wilson so he's out. McCann is a Brave which immediately earns brownie points. Roberts is the most beautiful man on the planet and I wept when I traded him last year (to Webb of all people). He is back on my team to stay. While I love McCann for multiple reasons, I don't have an official man-crush on him.
Derek Jeter and Andy Pettitte ... two of my Yankees. Now we're talking. These guys have been staples on my teams for years and years. Jeter is untradable. He is the icon of the most historic team in the greatest city in the world.
I also have the new greatest player in the world, Jason Heyward, who I drafted 438 rounds before most people. But, refer back to my one rule.
Why the heck am I even naming all these players? I could have written a two word post. Everyone knows what is coming.
Derek Jeter ... white enough.
Unlike Webb, my man-crush doesn't come along due to performance but rather something I cannot explain. I really only have one rule when it comes to a man-crush ... the dude has to be white. I ain't into the jungle fever thing.
If you read Webb's previous article, he mentioned the trade that nabbed him Justin Upton, his new man-crush. He assured me Ellsbury (my young man-crush) would be there for me later in the round. Royce picked him up a couple picks earlier. I could have squashed Webb like a bug. I love Ellsbury and for what reason? No idea. I even hate the Red Sox.
Anyway, back to my team. The three Brian's are Brian McCann, Brian Roberts and Brian Wilson. I care less about Wilson so he's out. McCann is a Brave which immediately earns brownie points. Roberts is the most beautiful man on the planet and I wept when I traded him last year (to Webb of all people). He is back on my team to stay. While I love McCann for multiple reasons, I don't have an official man-crush on him.
Derek Jeter and Andy Pettitte ... two of my Yankees. Now we're talking. These guys have been staples on my teams for years and years. Jeter is untradable. He is the icon of the most historic team in the greatest city in the world.
I also have the new greatest player in the world, Jason Heyward, who I drafted 438 rounds before most people. But, refer back to my one rule.
Why the heck am I even naming all these players? I could have written a two word post. Everyone knows what is coming.
Derek Jeter ... white enough.
Man-Crush Time
Everyone has one. The guy that they HAVE to have no matter the price, whether it means drafting a 7th rounder in the 3rd or trading a 1st rounder to get a guy in the minors. Everyone has a man-crush... except me apparently.
Our league is known for recycling players from year to year, i.e. if a guy owned Chipper Jones one year, he is more likely to own him the following year than someone else. Maybe it is a coincidence. I am not sure. Regardless, it has happened for years with numerous players and teams.
I somehow drafted a team where the only players I have previously owned were Brad Lidge(back when he was Octavio Dotel's setup man in Houston), Francisco Liriano(the pre-TJ surgery, Cy Young candidate version), Alfonso Soriano(whom I owned for all of 1 week before sending him on his way for Doc Halladay) and Daniel Bard(the young-gun setup man for Boston). So as much as I would like to list Daniel Bard as a man-crush, I just can't in good conscience pick a setup guy as a man-crush. Sorry.
So, let's take a look at the contenders from this year's squad for my brand new man-crush. I have it narrowed down to the following: Ryan Braun, Justin Upton, and Stephen Strasburg.
Ryan Braun
Pro's: Pujols-lite. Crazy consistent. I had him on my MLB The Show team. Hated amongst members of our league (see nickname "Wide-Eyed Pixie Fuck"). Young. Progressing each year.
Con's: 1st rounder(it is more fun to own someone that is not as known a quantity). Hated amongst members of our league(I get enough shit as is). Plays for the Brewers(NL Central is for pussies).
Justin Upton
Pro's: To borrow from Jay Bilas, Upton has "tremendous upside potential". I had him on my MLB The Show team. Better than his brother, who is on Deuce's team. Still only 16 or something. He is getting the Yates treatment on my team, i.e. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever trade him, even if it will help my team. I stole him from multiple teams by trading up to draft him. Said move was responded to with multiple expletives. I love him.
Con's: Not a proven quantity. Been on DL each of past 2 years. Plays in front of old people. Has been owned by Nathan before and he sucks at fantasy sports.
Stephen Strasburg
Pro's: Electric arm. Dominated in college. Played for Tony Gwynn at said college. Tony Gwynn was fat and hit over .300 for his career. Had nut-duster at one point. I have to keep him after reaching for him in the draft.
Con's: Never thrown a pitch in the Major Leagues. Had a nut-duster at one point. Not starting in Majors. Could be the next #1 overall MLB draft pick flop. Plays for a shitty-ass team that cannot even spell "Nationals" correctly.
In the end, it came down to Justin Upton and Stephen Strasburg, as I said earlier, it is more fun to crush on a not so known quantity. In the end, it was not that tough of a decision for me. Justin Upton is the clear winner. He will lead my team to victory for many years and piss everyone off in the process. That is all I need from my man-crush. Thanks again Bear. Enjoy Ellsbury and Heyward. Oh wait...
Our league is known for recycling players from year to year, i.e. if a guy owned Chipper Jones one year, he is more likely to own him the following year than someone else. Maybe it is a coincidence. I am not sure. Regardless, it has happened for years with numerous players and teams.
I somehow drafted a team where the only players I have previously owned were Brad Lidge(back when he was Octavio Dotel's setup man in Houston), Francisco Liriano(the pre-TJ surgery, Cy Young candidate version), Alfonso Soriano(whom I owned for all of 1 week before sending him on his way for Doc Halladay) and Daniel Bard(the young-gun setup man for Boston). So as much as I would like to list Daniel Bard as a man-crush, I just can't in good conscience pick a setup guy as a man-crush. Sorry.
So, let's take a look at the contenders from this year's squad for my brand new man-crush. I have it narrowed down to the following: Ryan Braun, Justin Upton, and Stephen Strasburg.
Ryan Braun
Pro's: Pujols-lite. Crazy consistent. I had him on my MLB The Show team. Hated amongst members of our league (see nickname "Wide-Eyed Pixie Fuck"). Young. Progressing each year.
Con's: 1st rounder(it is more fun to own someone that is not as known a quantity). Hated amongst members of our league(I get enough shit as is). Plays for the Brewers(NL Central is for pussies).
Justin Upton
Pro's: To borrow from Jay Bilas, Upton has "tremendous upside potential". I had him on my MLB The Show team. Better than his brother, who is on Deuce's team. Still only 16 or something. He is getting the Yates treatment on my team, i.e. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever trade him, even if it will help my team. I stole him from multiple teams by trading up to draft him. Said move was responded to with multiple expletives. I love him.
Con's: Not a proven quantity. Been on DL each of past 2 years. Plays in front of old people. Has been owned by Nathan before and he sucks at fantasy sports.
Stephen Strasburg
Pro's: Electric arm. Dominated in college. Played for Tony Gwynn at said college. Tony Gwynn was fat and hit over .300 for his career. Had nut-duster at one point. I have to keep him after reaching for him in the draft.
Con's: Never thrown a pitch in the Major Leagues. Had a nut-duster at one point. Not starting in Majors. Could be the next #1 overall MLB draft pick flop. Plays for a shitty-ass team that cannot even spell "Nationals" correctly.
In the end, it came down to Justin Upton and Stephen Strasburg, as I said earlier, it is more fun to crush on a not so known quantity. In the end, it was not that tough of a decision for me. Justin Upton is the clear winner. He will lead my team to victory for many years and piss everyone off in the process. That is all I need from my man-crush. Thanks again Bear. Enjoy Ellsbury and Heyward. Oh wait...
Man Crush Index
Side Note:I started writing this about a week ago. My life has been crazy with In-laws and baby anticipation etc since then. Pretend like it all just happened.
So I just traded for Pedro Alvarez. With him on the cover of every fantasy rookie preview(that does not have Jason Heyward) I had to take a stab at him. I am a Pirates fan and the most highly touted prospect since 1984 has quite a bit of interest in my mind, but likely more so in my heart.
Previous to today, Alvarez would have been my man crush, but Garrett "The LEGEND" Jones hit 2 home runs today(one well into the Allegheny River) and Carlos Gonzalez, the aforementioned "reach alert" pick, went 4-5, so I have to pick from those 2. I love opening day. Jones is on pace to break every HR record ever(PED era or drink til you puke era included) and I love my fantasy team. This will surely change in a week's time--much like the Pirates staying atop the NL Central, but when else in the past 17 years could a Pirates fan be so excited.
So that makes my Man Crush discussion short. It is Garrett Jones. He is a freak and has many doubters which makes it more fun to be in a fictional bromance with him. The guy has defied all odds. Drafted by Atlanta in 1999 in the 14th round, Jones has been with many organizations, spent an ordinate amount of time in the minors and basically had to fall to a team with no organizational depth to get a shot. But since appearing in the majors in 2007 with MIN, he has slugged his way to 25 HRs in under 400 at bats with a .276/.355/.522 triple slash. You take out the brief stint in MIN and the line looks more like .293/.372/.567--not including today's 2-4 day with 2 more homers. I have no idea how long he can keep this up, but I for one will enjoy it until it ends. Hopefully sometime in 2013 when the Pirates are respectable and my soon to be born child has just completed it's first no-hitter in T-ball.
So I just traded for Pedro Alvarez. With him on the cover of every fantasy rookie preview(that does not have Jason Heyward) I had to take a stab at him. I am a Pirates fan and the most highly touted prospect since 1984 has quite a bit of interest in my mind, but likely more so in my heart.
Previous to today, Alvarez would have been my man crush, but Garrett "The LEGEND" Jones hit 2 home runs today(one well into the Allegheny River) and Carlos Gonzalez, the aforementioned "reach alert" pick, went 4-5, so I have to pick from those 2. I love opening day. Jones is on pace to break every HR record ever(PED era or drink til you puke era included) and I love my fantasy team. This will surely change in a week's time--much like the Pirates staying atop the NL Central, but when else in the past 17 years could a Pirates fan be so excited.
So that makes my Man Crush discussion short. It is Garrett Jones. He is a freak and has many doubters which makes it more fun to be in a fictional bromance with him. The guy has defied all odds. Drafted by Atlanta in 1999 in the 14th round, Jones has been with many organizations, spent an ordinate amount of time in the minors and basically had to fall to a team with no organizational depth to get a shot. But since appearing in the majors in 2007 with MIN, he has slugged his way to 25 HRs in under 400 at bats with a .276/.355/.522 triple slash. You take out the brief stint in MIN and the line looks more like .293/.372/.567--not including today's 2-4 day with 2 more homers. I have no idea how long he can keep this up, but I for one will enjoy it until it ends. Hopefully sometime in 2013 when the Pirates are respectable and my soon to be born child has just completed it's first no-hitter in T-ball.
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