Thursday, April 1, 2010

Man-Crush Time

Everyone has one. The guy that they HAVE to have no matter the price, whether it means drafting a 7th rounder in the 3rd or trading a 1st rounder to get a guy in the minors. Everyone has a man-crush... except me apparently.

Our league is known for recycling players from year to year, i.e. if a guy owned Chipper Jones one year, he is more likely to own him the following year than someone else. Maybe it is a coincidence. I am not sure. Regardless, it has happened for years with numerous players and teams.

I somehow drafted a team where the only players I have previously owned were Brad Lidge(back when he was Octavio Dotel's setup man in Houston), Francisco Liriano(the pre-TJ surgery, Cy Young candidate version), Alfonso Soriano(whom I owned for all of 1 week before sending him on his way for Doc Halladay) and Daniel Bard(the young-gun setup man for Boston). So as much as I would like to list Daniel Bard as a man-crush, I just can't in good conscience pick a setup guy as a man-crush. Sorry.

So, let's take a look at the contenders from this year's squad for my brand new man-crush. I have it narrowed down to the following: Ryan Braun, Justin Upton, and Stephen Strasburg.

Ryan Braun

Pro's: Pujols-lite. Crazy consistent. I had him on my MLB The Show team. Hated amongst members of our league (see nickname "Wide-Eyed Pixie Fuck"). Young. Progressing each year.

Con's: 1st rounder(it is more fun to own someone that is not as known a quantity). Hated amongst members of our league(I get enough shit as is). Plays for the Brewers(NL Central is for pussies).

Justin Upton

Pro's: To borrow from Jay Bilas, Upton has "tremendous upside potential". I had him on my MLB The Show team. Better than his brother, who is on Deuce's team. Still only 16 or something. He is getting the Yates treatment on my team, i.e. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever trade him, even if it will help my team. I stole him from multiple teams by trading up to draft him. Said move was responded to with multiple expletives. I love him.

Con's: Not a proven quantity. Been on DL each of past 2 years. Plays in front of old people. Has been owned by Nathan before and he sucks at fantasy sports.

Stephen Strasburg

Pro's: Electric arm. Dominated in college. Played for Tony Gwynn at said college. Tony Gwynn was fat and hit over .300 for his career. Had nut-duster at one point. I have to keep him after reaching for him in the draft.

Con's: Never thrown a pitch in the Major Leagues. Had a nut-duster at one point. Not starting in Majors. Could be the next #1 overall MLB draft pick flop. Plays for a shitty-ass team that cannot even spell "Nationals" correctly.

In the end, it came down to Justin Upton and Stephen Strasburg, as I said earlier, it is more fun to crush on a not so known quantity. In the end, it was not that tough of a decision for me. Justin Upton is the clear winner. He will lead my team to victory for many years and piss everyone off in the process. That is all I need from my man-crush. Thanks again Bear. Enjoy Ellsbury and Heyward. Oh wait...


  1. I hate you for the Ellsbury comment. Because of our trade, I didn't get my man-crush and you got yours.

  2. i suck at basketball and football. i'm elite in baseball. quick question: which one of us has a legitimate baseball championship in a league we competed against each other?